Penny's love letter

On receiving my favorite card from my little girl thus far.

When I was eight years old and reading Enid Blyton (probably surreptitiously, in the dark under the covers after bedtime – hello myopia), she often used this phrase “getting up from the wrong side of the bed this morning”.  It meant being in a bad mood for no reason that day.  Do you guys ever get that?

Of all the quaint English phrases Enid Blyton had used in her books, this one stuck with me the longest.  I remember it every time a bad mood strikes me.

Last Saturday, I “got up from the wrong side of the bed”.   My chest felt like Butters was lying on it and wouldn’t budge.  My stomach felt like a piece of coal.  The crease in the middle of my forehead wasn’t budging no matter what I did.  Everything was an annoyance.

As an eight year old, I might have had a tantrum or gone off to my room to sulk in peace, until the bad mood passed.  As a fully grown woman with two children and responsibilities, I had to either shake it off, or ride it out.

So I got up, did my morning routine, and sat down at the dining table with my laptop and a mug of tea. 

Penny rushed up. “Mommy! Remember to book Blackpink tickets!”

We had spoken about this the night before.  Everyone on this side of earth knows Blackpink is touring KL next year, and the critters wanted to go.  Dada, our helper and nanny, loves Kpop too and I thought it would be an awesome treat for her if we all went together. 

I had told Penny that the tickets were probably going to be expensive and we would have to save up for them.  I said that Daddy wouldn’t come with us cos he doesn’t like Blackpink enough wtf.  I had also said that Auntie Shu Yiing, whose nephew wanted to go, would probably have to buy the tickets cos I would traveling when ticket sales opened.

“So four tickets, Mommy.  Me, Koko, Auntie Shu Yiing and Dada.”  Penny. had taken all these bits of information, and processed it that Auntie Shu Yiing would be taking her and Dada to the concert.

Remember what I said about waking up on the wrong side of the bed? I was supremely hurt.

“That’s so mean!” I said, sounding all of Penny’s age myself.  “I’m the one saving up to buy the tickets and you didn’t even count me in!”

“I didn’t know!” She left in a huff, to play with Dada, away from her grumpy mother.

I stewed the whole morning.  The critters had piano class so while driving them there, I unleashed.

I talked about how hurt I was that I was the one paying for the tickets, yet I wasn’t included in the outing.  Unfairly or not, I told them that I had felt left out and sad.  I hadn’t even gotten a ‘sorry’ when Penny had made the mistake.  I felt like nobody cared wtf.

Penny said, “Sorry, Mommy.”

I said, “it’s okay.” But I was still grumpy wtf.

“Can we watch TV (on the van dvd player) now?”

“No. I don’t feel like watching TV.” Petty mother being petty, I resented that she so quickly moved on from her apology, while I was still not over it. I felt like she was just saying it to get me to shut up lol. Actually I was really being unreasonable la.  People already say sorry what else I want!?

At this point I need to remind you again that I “woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” I’m human la ok hahahaha *cries.

Anyway, by the time they were done with piano class, I had talked myself out of it.  I was being ridiculous and unreasonable and pretty unfair to Penny who had made a genuine mistake. 

We went about our usual Saturday activities – chiro after piano, then lunch at my parents’ house.  After lunch I headed home myself to meet Fatty, who was arriving back from his EO trip in Langkawi.  We had an adults only dinner so I thought we might as well leave the kids to spend time with their grandparents, and pick them up after we were done with dinner.

After dinner, we drove back to my parents’ house to pick up the critters and the dog.  I rang the doorbell.

The dog barked happily from inside.  Cries of “Mommy!” issued from the house and Fighter and Penny rushed out with their usual enthusiasm whenever I come home. T3T

Penny gave me a running leap hug and thrust something in my hand.

During the time I had left her, she had written me a note. All wrapped in a pretty little pink envelope, no less.

The note said (in case you can’t read her writing lol): “To Mommy, I’m sorry about what happen (sic) this morng (sic). <3 =)”. And she had folded a pink fan to go along with it, and written on the fan was another “I LOVE YOU”.

Slap yourself, Aud wtf.

I should have known. T____T Penny is a very proud little girl, and she’s not as compliant as Fighter. For the longest time, it was nearly impossible to get an apology out of her at all. I think she did say sorry in the car just to shut me up, and then asked for TV time because she’s not very comfortable with her emotions when she knows she’s done something to upset me. :(. She just wanted to move on and not dwell on it.

But she genuinely did feel bad. When I stopped pushing her, she was able to confront what she had done, and then do something to fix it.

I have to remember that this girl cannot be pushed or persuaded! I can’t just pressure her into doing things and honestly, none of us should with our kids. Some kids are more pliable la - like Fighter wtf - so if you really want to shortcut, you could do that. Shame them and scold them into repenting. But who wants that?

I can’t pressure Penny, but I can explain it to her, talk about our feelings and the consequences of our actions. She’s learning empathy and I couldn’t be prouder or love her more.

In the meantime, hope I don’t wake up on the wrong side again so soon la please wtf.

xo,

Aud.